love you to the moon

I wonder sometimes, what kind of mother I am, and who I will be .Am I the housewifey type of mum? The cool mum? The strict? Lazy? Average? Neurotic? Embarrassing?

The Wilsons have had a stressy few weeks, with Daddio working everyay, including weekends, me with a tummy bug, kids full of colds, Mark with a high temp and bad cold, terrible two’s, temper tantrums, sibling rivalry…I could go on.
Finally, we seem to be getting our vardag back. But what has become more obvious having spent so much time cooped up together is that I am most definately caught in the battle for attention between the girls, and questioning the methods and reasons behind my parenting style. Or whatever I am to call it.

I guess I’ve always gone with the flow…dear firstborn was an exemplary baby- sleeping and eating well, and not a lot of fussing. A chilled out, secure happy little individual. Which ofcourse, she still is. But now, Mamma’s attention isn’t focused on just her, and dear little sister takes an awful lot of  time away from all the fun we used to have.
I think now, as Lily is gaining more attention as she reaches more milestones, and blossoming more into her own person, the jealousy that has been pretty much non-existant has reared its sickly green head. Totally normal, be strange if it never showed wouldnt it. So many of you I’m sure, know exactly of what I am talking about. The horrid, grating feeling of never being enough for your children. Always feeling and thinking that one is missing out on something one way or another. Fab.u.luss.Not.

Like it isnt enough what life tends to throw at you just by being an adult and having a job, rent to pay and food to buy, all your own little niggles and inadequecies seem to get bigger by the tenfold when you throw the task of raising offspring into the equation- or is that just me??

Anyways, I am off to ponder some more on my parental abilites together with my pillow. I feel the post is rather vague, as I still havent reached a conclusion in my own mind as to what and how I am feeling about it all. I just would very much like it if someone could tell me a guaranteed way to make my girls know and feel that I am doing my best and that I love them to the moon and back a million times (even if at 2.4years and almost 6 months they are a bit small to truly comprehend the meaning of it all lol)


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