measures of success

 

Oh my. Monday again people, monday again. How is it that mondays seem so stealthy, sneak up on you and high-fives you in the face before you’ve even come to terms with the fact that the weekend is over? 

Well its another day, another dollar (or not in my case) and I am sat here at the desk, about to finish off the paperwork needed to start my own company. Big girl that I am.
I never thought I’d be the one to have my own business, and really, it isnt as scary and grown up and out of my reach as I have always thought. Before all this, and my reality check I suppose, I always believed that having a business was better left  to those who were burning with ideas, bursting with charisma, and a cup that runneth over with confidence. I simply believed that you needed that lite extra spark in you to be able to make a real go and success of it, and I never felt quite able to fit the bill.

I have come to see that levels of success can be measured in many ways. In plain black and white, success means money. In mamma terms, success is marrying your work and family life to be at one, to work in harmony and be rewarding in every way. I am a worker, I need to work. I am a mum, and I need my family. I can’t be a stay at home mother full time, it isnt who I am. I love my girls dearly, but I need that creative outlet and time out that work gives me. This is where I think, I can make my business successful. I can make it work for me in such a way that I can go some way towards ”having it all”, a good work/family balance and the power to lord over it myself.

There is only one snag. Or several, depending on how you look at it. Everything is all down to me. It is my sole responsibility to keep the pennies flowing in at work, in order to take a wage. When the girls are poorly, I cant be the one at home with them, and it will hurt in a way that only a mother can feel. If I lose a day at work, there is no one to pick up the slack. The same goes if I am poorly. At least when you are an employee you get 80% paid for the day to be at home with your kids and good pay if you are off ill too (cant remember what it actually is tho I think similar rate). And you know what, it scares the bejeezaz out of me, all that extra responsibility on top the already hard job of being a parent. I have had nightmares of drowning under paper work, and when I finally dig myself out from under it all, Maia and Lily stand before me as pre teens. Go figure this conscience is having some issues haha.

It is all so very infuriating, having to lay so much energy on something that I don’t really want to do, and wasn’t expecting to do within such an incredibly short space of time. Yes, life has felt unfair. But that was my reality check. Like I said earlier, I am a worker, and I just need to work that little bit harder now for the next couple of months. It means no trips to the UK, no evenings out and no new clothes. But it wasn’t like these things were the norm before. It smarts when the option is taken away, is all.

2010, 2011 & 2012 have all been about hard work. Here’s to taking control of the future and making it more like how we want it.

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